I can tell you the general customs of Hakka marriage proposals, but there may be similarities and differences in details in the Shaoguan area, and you need to discuss this with the woman first.
Chuan Geng - The man who is on a blind date asks a matchmaker to go to the woman's home to negotiate a proposal for marriage. If the woman intends to get married, she will bring her birth date and horoscope to the matchmaker, and the man will ask "Mr." to "calculate" the horoscopes of both parties. Fan (commonly known as "combined eight characters") to see if they are "incompatible", this process is Chuan Geng. After entering the new era, this "combining eight characters" ceremony has become extremely rare. Men and women with strong modern consciousness will go to the restaurant in Wei Town to meet each other in person from the beginning (to look at girls), accompanied by their relatives. If both parties intend to get married, they will exchange tokens in person at the dinner table. This is considered to be a marriage agreement after a blind date. .
Over-engagement - after the engagement and blind date, both parties have a "thinking period". If neither party "repents", the woman will choose a date and bring a large group of relatives to the man's residence. At this time, the man is diligent in every possible way and makes the relatives brought by the woman drunk with fine wine and delicacies. Then he bargains with them at the banquet and agrees on the amount of gratuity, gift money, fish, rice wine and The items of dowry and finalizing the wedding day. If he cannot get married in the near future, during major traditional festivals, the man must bring gifts to the woman's house to "pass on the festival" - to pay tribute to the woman's elders.
Marrying and receiving relatives are the most solemn rituals in the Hakka wedding customs in southern Jiangxi, and a whole set of various etiquette items are required. The afternoon of the first day begins with the sedan-warming night (the sedan used to receive relatives in the past). The groom has to put on makeup (modify the etiquette), bow to his ancestors, and then in a solemn atmosphere, the uncle sings a eulogy and puts on red clothes and flowers (arrangements) for the groom. on top hat).
The next day is the wedding day. The groom, accompanied by the suona player, the flag bearer (the flags are wrapped with red cloth around two small Osmanthus bamboos), the gentleman (the ceremonial student), and the matchmaker, wait until the bride's home to welcome the bride. During this period, the man must Complete the following etiquette, respectively giving gifts to the husband of the bride’s family (the person who dresses the bride), bathing (the person who dresses the bride), cooking (the cook), walking down the hall (the person who serves the food), cosmetic surgery (the person who puts on the bride’s makeup), and supporting the bride’s husband. Luan (maid of honor) and more than thirty people (people who helped with the wedding) distributed red envelopes to show their gratitude. In addition to putting on makeup, the bride has to bow to her ancestors, and there is also a special procedure called "crying for marriage". There is no fixed cry for the wedding. It is improvised based on the scene, telling the parents' nurturing grace and attachment to her natal family. What is more interesting when the bride gets married is the grab box (the box contains the bride's wedding money). The bride's brother and uncle go to the bride's room to grab the grab box. When the bride, wearing a phoenix crown and a red dress with embroidered shoes, comes out of the house, amidst the sound of wedding cannons, the elders and matchmakers lead the bride with a dustpan on her head out of the boudoir. After passing the threshold, she is given a red envelope, and then she kowtows to her ancestors in the upper hall of the hall. Or the younger brother carries the incense car (or sedan chair, bicycle, or car) to the gate, and the groom leads the way. Accompanied by the bride-to-be sisters and younger brothers (usually a little boy, which means early birth of a child), the groom sets off to pick up the bride while the man is playing and playing. Surrounded by a team, they arrived at the groom's home where drums and music played to welcome him. Relatives and friends of the groom's family are waiting at the door to greet the bride with firecrackers, and invite the bride's relatives into the house to drink tea. However, the bride still has to stand in the basket (rice sieve) in front of the door to "stand still" (meaning that she cannot be willful after arriving at her husband's house). , must obey the rules and understand the radius). After the firecrackers are set off, the aunt or sister-in-law holding a lit torch will lead the bride into the new house (the torch is usually composed of bamboo slices, silk grass, peach branches, and red rope, which means to ward off evil spirits and welcome the new year) , and sprinkle peanuts and other fruits. Then start eating. He is very particular about his seating arrangements. On the day of the main banquet, his uncle will sit at the head of the table. There is also a unique Hakka custom of sharing dishes (meaning sharing wealth) at banquets, which is to give some portable dishes to guests to take home, so that the whole family can share the sumptuous wedding banquet.
The ceremony of worshiping in the church is: first worshiping heaven and earth, secondly worshiping ancestors, thirdly worshiping parents, and finally the husband and wife worship each other and send them to the bridal chamber. The bride and groom enter the bridal chamber, drink two bowls of wine, and then eat two chicken legs while holding hands. After the ceremony, the wedding banquet begins. Under the guidance of the ceremony attendant, the bride and groom invite the guests to their seats.
At night, the young guests gather in the bride and groom's bridal chamber, playing tricks on the bride and groom until they are full of fun. The bride and groom take a shower and change clothes, and fall asleep in the same bed. The wedding ceremony was completed.
The third day after the wedding is called "La Sanchao". The bride and groom go to the bride's house to visit her parents, brothers and sisters, to show their filial piety and to report their safety.
Compared with the marriage customs of other ethnic groups, the marriage customs of the Hakka group in southern Jiangxi have no traces of arranged marriages that distort human nature. They show respect for the freedom and ideas of young men and women everywhere.