one.
(Remarks: Sichuan dialect)
Location: Qin Imperial Palace
Props: seating for six people; The swords of three men (Tang Ju, A and D).
people: 7 people: Tang Ju Qin Wang Jia Chen Yi Chen Bing Chen Ding Chen informed the official
Ministers went to court and exchanged pleasantries.
Minister A: (to Minister B) Doctor B, I heard that you went to Anling on business not long ago?
minister b: it's thiamine. I have only been home for a few days. You are still a little well informed!
jiachen: that's for sure! Is there anything you can hide from me?
minister c: doctor b, what's the international and domestic event?
minister b: your majesty asked me to take a message to anlingjun.
ding Chen: a message? Tell it to our brothers!
minister b: I didn't get anything from telling you, but it was decrypted anyway.
ministers: say thiamine!
minister b: your majesty said that you would use 5 miles of land to transfer Anling.
ministers: what's the matter? Take 5-mile territory to transfer Anling?
minister b: your majesty made a suggestion!
Jia Chen: Does your majesty suffer such a loss? Anling is a bigger place! Into the badlands pack up but also five miles!
minister b: then you are an amateur! No wonder the king said that your brain can't turn around.
ding Chen: oh! I see, the king is a drunkard, not a drinker-
C. Chen: He cares about mountains and rivers.
minister b: right! Or are you two skulls spinning fast! On the surface, the king is in tune, but in fact he wants to take Anling away!
A, B and D: (thumbs up) high! It's really high! Did An Lingjun promise?
Minister B: An Lingjun is certainly not a fuel-efficient lamp! When he grows up, he will hand over his ancestral family business?
A, B, D: That king must be unhappy!
minister b: of course! Your Majesty called us today to discuss thiamine! It is possible to use force.
Off-site voice: Your Majesty is here!
the king of Qin: (strolling with eight steps, he walked slowly to the throne, sat down and accepted the worship of his ministers. )
ministers: (in two rows, facing the king of Qin) Long live my king! Hooray! ! Long live! ! !
King Qin: Aiqing, please sit down! (Everyone sits on the floor. ) Not long ago, I sent Dr. Chen to take a message to Anlingjun, wanting to transfer Anlingjun with a land of five hundred miles, but this boy of Anlingjun didn't agree! What a shame!
Jia Chen: He didn't cry until he saw the coffin!
minister b: send troops at once! C: Give him some color to see see!
bing Chen: I will be a pioneer in the end!
king Qin: hmm ...
messenger: your majesty, the envoy of anling is here to see you!
Qin Wang: Ah! Just as we were talking about Anling, the envoy of Anling arrived.
Ministers: Your Majesty, tell him to wait outside!
Teller: Your Majesty, he has been waiting outside for three incense sticks!
king Qin: hmm ... did you get one? Then let's see what he says. -Xuan!
Herald: The envoy of Anlingjun is here to meet you!
Tang Ju: (striding forward, bowing with both hands, leaning forward) Tang Ju, the envoy of Anlingjun, meets the King!
ministers: kneel down! Get on your knees!
Tang Ju: (Hold your head upright and don't kneel) Should I kneel when I grow up? Envoys have to kneel? I haven't heard of this book for sale!
Qin Wang: (riding a tiger is difficult, angrily) Sit down!
Tang Ju: King Xie! (contemptuous of all the ministers, he snorted and left for home)
King of Qin: (angrily) I want to use the 5-mile site to transfer Anling, and the king of Anling won't listen to me. What do you mean?
ministers: outrageous!
Tang Ju: Your Majesty, you know it, but you don't know why.
King Qin: I don't care. Otherwise, the elite soldiers of Daqin wiped out Korea and Wei. Do you know the reason why his little Anling Jun is firmly seated in Diaoyutai?
ministers: say thiamine!
Tang Ju: It is impossible to say that grapes are sour sulfur just because you can't eat them!
the king of Qin: speak with class! I'm telling you-I'm old-fashioned about Anling Jun, and I can't bear to hit on him.
ministers: your majesty is wise! Your majesty is merciful
Tang Ju: Does the King also pay New Year greetings to chickens? Thank you for your kindness!
King Qin: Now I have taken ten times as much land as Anlingjun to expand my territory. I didn't know that Anlingjun would take me as an army, but he didn't buy it. It was too contemptuous of me.
ministers: kill! Kill! Kill!
Tang Ju: (awestruck) Your Majesty, that's not true! An Ling Jun received land from the former king, even if he took a thousand miles of land, he could not adjust it, not to mention your five hundred miles!
ministers: how dare he!
king Qin: (flying into a rage) have you ever heard of "the wrath of the son of heaven"?
ministers: "the wrath of the son of heaven", have you ever heard of it?
Tang Ju: (as the king of Qin) I haven't heard of it!
Ministers: Haha ...
King Qin: (with his head held high) The wrath of the son of heaven, with millions of corpses buried, bled thousands of miles!
ministers: there are millions of corpses, and thousands of miles of blood are lost!
Tang Ju: (dismissively) Your Majesty, have you ever heard of the "Wrath of Cloth"?
ministers: "Wrath of cloth"? Ha ha .....
Qin Wang: (contemptuously) The anger of cloth clothes is nothing more than falling off the hat, barefoot, and slamming his skull into the ground!
ministers: I broke my hat, barefoot, and hit my skull on the ground! Haha ...
Tang Ju: This is the anger of a mediocre man, not a strong man!
ministers: oh? Is there anything else?
Qin Wang: Not so. What tricks can we do?
Tang Ju: (with a loud voice and high spirits) I thought that when Zhuan Zhu assassinated Wang Liao, the tail of a comet swept across the moon!
ministers: I've all heard of it!
Tang Ju: When Nie Zheng assassinated Han Jing, a white light went straight to the sun!
ministers: yes, that's right!
Tang Ju: If you want to kill Qing Ji, the eagle will fly to the palace!
ministers: are you going to have miscellaneous diseases again?
Tang Ju: These three brave men are all brave civilians! Now with me, it's four people!
Off-site voice: The wind is rustling and the water is cold, and the strong man is gone and never comes back!
ministers: with you? Qin Wang: (surprised) What do you want to do?
Tang Ju: If a strong man is angry, although only two people fall to the ground and bleed in five steps, everyone in the world will wear a green cloth cage for this!
ministers: what are you talking about? Lend you twenty courage!
Tang Ju: No need to borrow it! I am brave (stand up with a sword)! Live broadcast today! (the sword goes straight to the king of Qin)
Ministers: Ah! Help! (A and D draw their swords one after another)
Tang Ju: (Push hands) Slow down! (The ministers dare not move)
Off-site voice: Bad people come, good people don't come!
Tang Ju: (calm and majestic) If anyone dares to step forward, I'll ask the white knife of Qin Wang to go in and the red knife to come out!
Off-site voice: Bravo! Brave men! Hero!
King Qin: (orders his ministers) Stand down! (All the ministers step down) (The King of Qin is scratching his head and kneeling down to thank him) Please sit down, sir! Why not? I know, little anling can still shake up the shelf, thanks to you, Mr. Tang Ju!
Tang Ju: I'm flattered by the King of Qin! Then do you still want to play anling?
King Qin: It's a stranger to say so. What's more, Qin and An are also friendly neighbors. I'm just playing an international joke on An Lingjun.
Tang Ju: Really don't change the big for the small?
King Qin: A word from a gentleman is a whip!
ministers: a promise is a promise, a promise is a promise!
Tang Ju: (fists in both hands) Thank you very much, King Qin. Tang Ju is excused!
Qin Wang: It's rare to come. Drink two glasses of wine before you go!
Tang Ju: (waving his hand) No need! Alcohol harms people these days!
(The ministers looked at each other, and Tang Ju turned and strutted down. )
Off-site voice: Tang Ju will live up to his mission! Tang Ju lived up to his mission!
(The crowd gathered and bowed. )
two.
A: Today is June 1st
B: We don't rest
A: While there are no patients
B: Let's play something elegant (d Ρ)
(The two of them are dancing and singing "Two Butterflies")
Han: (top) The old man is sixty years old this year, and
he is deaf without spending his eyes.
I didn't sleep well last night.
It hurts to wake up today.
these days, there's nothing wrong with having no money and being sick.
(knocking at the door) Is anyone there? (Looking inside, surprised) My mother, what is this?
a: here comes the patient
b: (outside the door, loudly) wait! (then jump)
Han: (turning around twice, holding one hand around his waist anxiously) Is it over?
b: (rough) number arrangement! Annoying.
(Party A stops, and Party A slowly sits at the desk)
Party B: (Shouting) No.1 No.1 (yāo)
Why do you have to say something when calling you?
Han: I am number one
B: 1 is one, and one is 1
Han: Oh-I don't know, blame me, blame me (lip-synching)
(approaching the desk and sitting down)
A: Name
Han: Father Tanaka
B.
Han: What Japanese? My son's name is Tanaka Lang
A: Gender
Han: No other surname, Tian
A: (angrily) I asked you if you are a man or a woman
Han: Oh, whatever you think (to himself) is really civilized
A: Age
Han: Jia Zi.
Han: I mean, my age is exactly the same-6.
A: Address
Han: Local
A: Occupation
Han: Retail
B: I can't see that you are still engaged in business
Han: It's not that retail
son who is engaged in wholesale business outside, and
two children are sent home.
Hard work and suffering,
Growing grain and vegetables and growing dolls
A and B: (exclaiming at the same time) Growing dolls?
Han: ah, no, it's the doll.
people wholesale and retail, and there is no suffering-zero suffering
A: What's wrong with it?
Han: Oh-Part I
A: Which part is Part I?
Han: (pointing to the waist) Here
B: Isn't that the waist?
Han: didn't you say that one is one, and one is one?
a: what happened to your waist?
Han: backache
A: (arrogant) backache has come to me
Han: Yes, (turning to the audience) people who sell old tofu don't care
A: Ok, where there is so much nonsense, sit down
(Han is at a loss, still standing)
B: (.
b: (suddenly speaking softly) Don't be nervous, don't be nervous, relax
(singing) Honey, fly slowly.
(A sings and puts the stethoscope on Han's head and moves it back and forth)
Han: (pointing at his stomach) Doctor, doctor, here's the stomach.
a: I said why my heart stopped beating! (Put the stethoscope on your stomach and keep singing) Honey, open your mouth.
Han: This hospital is different from other places. You have to open your mouth (open your mouth) when listening to your stomach. Ah-
B: I didn't say you
A: (Continue to sing) Dear, let's dance
Han: (Happy) This line, I can choose anything
B: (Surprised. You're also a master dancer?
Han: (Proud) Of course, I can pick all kinds of slops and excrement.
A: This old man is quite humorous.
Han: Doctor, people say that I am not humorous, but sharpening my waist.
b: sharpen your waist?
Han: Ah-
loose bones, high blood pressure,
walking straight into the wind.
insomnia, forgetfulness, big head,
slight movement will grind the waist.
doctor, do you think I'm getting old?
a: Yes (die too)
Han: (sadly) yes, I will die sooner or later
a: what, yes means "yes". Ok, let's have an injection first.
B: (Sucking the medicine quickly with a needle tube, telling Han) Get down
(Han is prone, and B is exaggerating the injection)
Han: (screaming) Ouch, my mother.
B: You're welcome. Just call a doctor, not a mother (inserting the needle and pushing the medicine).
b: what's the matter
Han: what's the matter? You see, thanks to my fat, otherwise the needle tip is exposed from the front.
b: does that count? Didn't you hear people sing? (Singing) Shout when the road is rough, and do it when it's time to do it! (yanking) All right, get up!
Han: (sits down again and jumps suddenly) Oh, what's on your chair?
a: nothing
Han: (sitting down again, jumping up again) ouch, there are nails, there are nails
a: (looking and touching) there are no nails
Han: (touching his ass with one hand) how can you stab people without nails?
b: (holding the needle to himself) it's broken. I flashed the needle above
(pulling the nail aside and whispering) Why didn't I do it?
a: (resolutely) give him another injection and pull out the needle. (Gently) Grandpa, give me another shot!
Han: Isn't it just an injection?
A: (smiling) Today, we have an activity, one for free.
Han: All right then (sitting in a chair on the side)
(B has an injection, A pulls out the needle, and the two of them push on Han)
Han: Ouch, it hurts me to death. (leaping forward)
B: (picking up the needle tube) It's broken.
A: What's wrong?
b: just now, there was only glucose in that injection, and there was no medication. what should I do?
A: Then give me another shot.
B: (Very gently) Grandpa, give me another shot.
Han: Isn't it one for one? Why are you still calling?
a: it's children's day. play one and get two (children).
Han: Oh, my mother, I won't fight even if I send my eldest daughter away.
B: You have to fight today, and if you don't fight, you have to fight (both of them take turns to fight)
Han: (while hiding, bowing and wailing) Ouch, have you taken my ass as an arrow target? I'm begging you, I'm old and young, and my wife's hemiplegia is still not good. Please leave me alone!
a and b: (qi) it's not up to you. (Chasing after Han) Don't go, don't go ...
Han: (Turn around and suddenly drink) Stop. To tell you the truth, I can practice beating dogs behind closed doors in Hong Qigong, roaring lions in Xie Xun, the golden lion king, and learning sunflower acupuncturists in Bai Zhantang. Do you two want to try?
Party A and Party B: (stunned)
Han: (took the opportunity to run out of the door) My mother, alas, (wiped the sweat on her forehead)
Little grinding her waist came to the hospital,
Two doctors were fooling around.
my ass became a hornet's nest, and
I almost died.
Next time you don't come to the hospital to go to court,
See you next year if you want to know the result.
(Qi) Bye. (below)