The first commandment: don't have the idea of "carrying on the family line"
When there is a contradiction between his wife and his mother, many men dare to say to his wife, no matter who is right or wrong, in order to show their respect and filial piety to their parents: everything in the world has parents, but she is my mother, please forgive me! So wives have nowhere to vent their grievances, so they have to get angry secretly. In this kind of family, women's love for their husbands will gradually fade away because they are not protected by their husbands until their marriage is disappointed. Some people may avoid marriage, others may turn from forbearance to counterattack, and eventually everyone in this relationship will be scarred.
The second maxim: Please wean yourself after marriage.
Before my wife married you, she was also the baby of her parents and enjoyed a princess-like life. Why did she take over your mother's job and "serve" you after she married you? Many mothers have the feudal idea that "marrying a daughter-in-law is to take over and serve their sons", so they instill this idea in their sons and prevent them from doing any work. Over time, men are used to treating their mother as a maid, and let her train her wife into a muddled nanny, and let her take over her mother's class to wait on you. Please remember, wife, she is not an accessory of others.
The third maxim: Please help your wife integrate into your own family, not help your family reject her.
When a woman gets married and enters a completely unfamiliar environment, it is inevitable that she will feel at a loss, and naturally she will be defensive. In this family, only her husband is the closest person to her. Some behaviors of other people in her husband's family, although subjectively harmless, will be regarded as hurting her by her. At this time, it is necessary to be a bridge for husbands to communicate. Please don't just accuse her of being "sensitive/oversensitive/narrow-minded". "This will only make my wife feel excluded from this big family.
Under the temptation: don't be the microphone of your wife and mother.
My mother-in-law hasn't known her for decades, and her living habits/values are different. When she marries a strange man at once, she will have some contradictions/dissatisfaction with her mother-in-law. But the dissatisfaction of the two women can only be vented on their sons/husbands. Maybe most men do.
As the saying goes, "What you can do is confidential, but what you can't do is passed on at both ends." It is extremely clever to cheat a person at both ends. He can not only subtly eliminate the dissatisfaction between two women, but also please each other for two women, increase their goodwill and promote the harmony between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Men who have passed through both ends are stupid. Many mother-in-law and daughter-in-law didn't have much contradiction at first, but after men's communication, small friction became a "big spark", which made the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law more complicated. Perhaps his intention is good, that is, he wants two women to get rid of some habits or ideas that make the other party dissatisfied, but he may not realize that the message conveyed by a man is not to convey the words of two people to the other party intact. In fact, many men will inadvertently do something stupid to send a message.
The fifth commandment: Give your wife a chance to be a good person and yourself a chance to be a bad person.
In life, everyone likes to be a good person, but when dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, a smart husband will give his wife a chance to be a good person, such as buying things to honor her parents or doing something to please them, all under her banner or letting her come forward. Even if you do it yourself, you will tell your parents that this is what your wife means. Most in-laws will think that your daughter-in-law is sensible, rather than relying on you to tell Y.
There are no couples who don't quarrel, and quarreling is also a way of communication. However, please don't start a quarrel in front of parents, which will not only hurt the feelings of husband and wife, but also hurt the feelings of parents and each other.
Seventh commandment: Please don't worry that your mother will be jealous, so you can't show respect and care for your wife in front of your mother.
Many women don't want to live with their in-laws, not to support them, but to live in a depressed environment. Many young couples are very loving when they are not in front of their parents. Men will not hesitate to show their love to their wives and live a sweet and warm life. Once in front of parents, there will be a 180 degree reversal. Instruct my wife to do this and that to show my mother that I can "control" my wife and satisfy her son's capable vanity. The reason is that men can't tell the love between two women from their completely different love. One is affection, and the other is love. They are not antagonistic. If a man deliberately ignores his wife in front of his mother and treats her like ice, it is trampling on her self-esteem and feelings.
Bajie: Please honor your parents and don't pass on your filial piety to your wife.
It is right for parents to be grateful for their kindness, but you can't force your wife to be grateful to your parents. Even if her parents are critical of her, you should ask her to be filial for herself and not allow her to do anything bad, otherwise you will accuse her of unfilial. Although your parents worked hard to raise you, you married a wife just to find yourself a body to honor your parents and double your body?
The ninth precept: please treat your parents and in-laws equally, and don't let your wife "marry her husband and forget her mother"
As a daughter-in-law, there is no reason to prevent her husband from honoring her in-laws. Similarly, as a husband, there is no reason to stop his wife from honoring her parents-in-law. You can ask your wife to honor her parents with a sense of security and safety. Can you do this yourself and treat your parents-in-law with the same attitude?